Very disappointed

I have not played well for my ice hockey team in a long time.  My lackluster play has resulted in my team’s confidence in me to waiver.  My struggles in net are just a mystery to me.  I come out to take the shot and the puck bounces in off me.  My lateral movement has not been as strong as it has been in the past which is frustrating.  The end result is that I am so disappointed with my play and I feel that I have let them down as well as myself.

On the way home tonight, I just felt sick to my stomach and I started thinking about my performance after an ugly 11-4 loss.  A game where I probably let in 4 goals I should have had, but the first one was such a key.  I let in a horrible goal right off the bat and I feel that it set us off in a tailspin we couldn’t recover from.  I make those first few saves and maybe we stay in that game and play strong.  Instead, I think my team just deflated when that early goal went in.

I realize that its a team effort out there, but the puck stops with me and my play has to be better than the rest of my team.  No matter what their skill level.  I have to play better.

My goal to win an ice hockey championship has been a very hard journey.  If it isn’t getting to 4 finals game and not to win a single one, its to blow a 3 goal lead in the final 6 minutes to lose a finals game.  There is part of me that doesn’t want to quit at this stage because I have been close.  Its just a matter of time until I succeed.  On the other hand, I am getting much slower and I have not played solid in net for my team this season.  The slower I get, the more frustrated that I can’t perform as well as I would like.  The end result is me setting goals for myself that feel impossible for me to achieve.

I realize its only rec league hockey and I should be enjoying it.  I have built myself up by playing this game though and it hurts to come down.  I have had so much success in a team game I have never had the privledge of playing in before 10 years ago.  I got started a little late, and now with time against me I feel that all the goals I have set for myself are slipping away from me.

One thing is for certain.  I have to get my swagger and confidence back and it has to start with my next game and continue with every team and every opportunity I am given to play.