Every story has an ending. Every dynasty has an endpoint. My end came last night when the final horn sounded and my Stick Heads bowed out of the playoff race for the season. More importantly, it was my last game with the team. By the end of the night, certain players were bitching at each other for one reason or another. A lot of it was member fustration. Some are upset at the way I was treated. Others just wanted to go out and have fun for our last game and some wanted to be serious. Me? I wanted to leave a positive impression on the team. I know this other goalie they are bringing in, and he has a great attitude and is probably a little better than I am. Deep down inside, I feel horrible because of the fact that I may have played my last game for a team that I dedicated myself to. Everyone on that team, even though things ended the way they did, I still feel I have ties to.
After the game was over and the locker room cleared out, I shed probably my last tears. This chapter in my life was over. Now, I just wanted to get on with the next chapter in the book.
I need to deal with not only this sadness, but anger I am feeling now. I am going to get this out right now because if I don’t it is going to eat me alive. While I have strong ties to the members of that team for the most part, I just don’t know who to trust in that situation. The captain said that some members of the team were bitching about me. Who was bitching? Why didn’t members of the team stick up for me in that situation instead of waiting until our last game? So now, I feel anger towards some of the leadership on that team for chucking me off for someone else who is a little better than I am. Did I give them reason to look for someone else? Were we getting blown out every game? Did I not do a good job.
I am going to have to find a way to deal with these feelings that are jumping around in the pit of my heart and stomach.
The first step to healing will be tonight when I play a friendly game in my beginner league. I need to get my mind of this…distraction.